Septemeber 12th 2012

                

Dear monster bug,

 I know its been a while since Ive written you. A lot has happened. I still think of you every single day and miss you so very much.

I saw the butterflies you have sent me in the middle of the night while I'm at work and they truly comfort me but can you try to keep those big moths away. I don't like them at all.

Your sisters are getting so big and talk about you all the time. They really miss you too. And your brother started kindergarten this year. He is getting really big too.

Ive been working a lot and trying to keep myself busy so the sadness doesn't overwhelm me. I know you already know but your about to have a little brother. Your daddy and i are very excited. He is due October 26th. I know you already are but can you please watch over us all. I really wish you were here to share this with us. I want granpa to create one of his pictures of all of us with you looking down on us. It would mean a lot to me.

Its been a long hard road to get where we are today but i know you have been with us every step of the way. Ive been trying so hard not to worry about your little brother in my tummy but with everything that happened to you in your short time here with us its really hard for me not to.

I know your dad has been worried to but he is being so strong. He thinks about you all the time, though he has a really hard time talking about it. He just gets really quiet and stares at your pictures.

Monster bug, I know everything happens for a reason but losing you was the hardest and most painful thing Ive ever had to handle. I try so hard to stay strong and not let myself fall apart.

And then when we found out that you were going to have a little brother so much joy overcame your daddy and I. Now we wonder how he will look. If he will look like you at all. We have his first name picked out but still haven't come up with a middle name. I know we will find the right one but your daddy and i cant agree on any yet.

My little monster bug, I now know the meaning of the dream you sent me. I didn't understand at first why you were carrying me over water with beautiful colored stones and i was floating. I couldn't see you but i knew it was you and you were showing me pictures of your sisters opening presents of baby dolls and of other family members and ended with an image of your daddy and i standing over a crib looking down at a baby in tears. They were happy tears though. I could feel the joy all around me. Your daddy's arms were around me as we looked over this baby in the crib and tears rolled down our faces. Thank you for that dream. It will never leave my memory. It all makes sense now.

I love you monster bug. Thank you for being my first little baby boy. I'm so blessed

that you came into my life. Even though i wish you were with me longer i cherish every second i got with you and that beautiful smile. Your mommy and daddy love you very much and cant wait to

be with you when our time comes. Ill write more later. Keep sending your "angel kisses" as grandpa calls them. We all look forward to seeing them.

    Love your mommy <3