August 24th 2011

Journal Entry 10 August 24th 2011

Hi monster bug sorry I haven’t written you in a while. I want you to know though that you are always in my thoughts and in my heart. The past few weeks have been kinda hard. I have been doing my best to stay strong and positive but I feel lost. I don’t know what to think do or feel anymore. I don’t know which way is up, down, left or right and I feel like im walking in circles. I constantly think about you holding onto my shirt while you would lay with me or when you were nursing. I miss that so much!!! I thought I would have a lifetime with you and it breaks my heart that you aren’t here anymore. I miss you so so so much. Ive been writing out all the memories I have with you from the day I found out I was having you. Its been hard to replay it all in my head but its also helped. I cry my heart out as im doing it but then I feel better after. Your grandpa and I are gonna be making a book and its all about you. Its going to have poems and stories and pictures.  Its going to be amazing. Monster bug you brought so much joy to my life. I love you forever.

At work last night I was talking to one of the girls there about you telling her all about you and everything that happened. And how you were able to donate your heart valves for a baby in need and we both got goose bumps and almost cried. A totally calming feeling came over me. It wasn’t a sad cry that I almost did. It was a I believe everything happened for a reason and I will never forget you and all you brought to my life.

I love you so much and I promise ill write more. I will do my best to write atleast every other day. Mommy loves you!!! And I cant wait until your once again in my arms.

Love

   mommy