July 14th 2011

Journal Entry 6 July 14th 2011

Monster bug, today wasn’t too bad of a day. I got home from work at about 7:30am and ate then slept until about 6pm. When I got up you were on my mind like you always are. I added your name to a butterfly garden on the tissue donations website and a few other facebook pages. I will never let your memory die. There are so many people here who love and miss you. You were such a bright light to all in this dark world. I will always cherish everyday I had with you. I still remember the day I found out I was having you. I was so happy that I was having my first baby boy. I text your dad before I even left the doctors office and told him that Zacchaeus was going to have a little brother. He was so happy!! When I gave him the ultrasound pictures he couldn’t stop holding them and looking at them for hours on end until the day you were born. We knew that you were going to look so much like your daddy just from those pictures. We were all so excited! You were even smiling in one of them! And then when you were finally here your dad watched you like a hawk. When they tested you for jaundice and said you had to go to the nicu I wanted to die. I was so scared!!! Then they told me that you had anemia and needed a blood transfusion I sat with you through the whole thing. I hated that I wasn’t able to be there night and day with you. It broke my heart to have to come home without you. But I was so happy on day 10 when I was finally able to bring you home. You were such a happy baby and brought me so much joy. I prayed that you wouldn’t have to deal with any more health problems and could live a happy life. And I guess my prayers were answered even though I wish you would of lived longer than me and shared all of life’s ups and downs together. Monster bug I love you with all my heart even if its in pieces right now. Please know that if I had the chance to change things and let you live a long happy life while I left this world I would. I would trade places with you in a heart beat. I wish with all my heart I would have had more time with you. I know one day we will be together again and that’s what is keeping me together. Your dad and I got tattoo’s on our arms so remind us of you and all you did in your short little life. He has your first name then your hand print your middle name then your foot print then your last name and roman numerals. I got baby then your foot print then Eddy on my arm. And I wear the ring with your ashes in it on the same hand. When I die I want to be cremated wearing it so our ashes will be together. We will always be together- me and my monster bug, heart and soul. I love you from the bottom of my heart for always and forever

Love

   Your mommy