You Say Im Strong

You say I’m strong,

But I struggle every day,

I carry on holding my head up high,

Just trying to find my way.

You say I’m strong,

But I’m shattered inside –

The depth of my pain has no limits.

Since the day my baby died.

You say I’m strong,

When I have no choice but to carry on;

You see, I walk a different path,

Now that my baby boy is gone.

Still, you say I’m strong.

While I see the meaning beyond the sound,

I still walk through darkness every day,

Looking for the light that can’t be found.

You say I’m strong,

But you know I’m only me –

I hold on tightly to my hope,

Though darkness is all I see.

You say I’m strong,

And gain strength every minute of the day.

One day maybe I’ll look back and see -

Through it all, I still found my way.

You always say I’m strong,

And I guess it could be true…

Although I may not always feel it,

I just wanted to thank you.

For you’re the one who spoke the words

And gave me a glimpse of the light -

You stood strong, right by my side,

And helped me through the darkness of night.

Because of you, I’ve come to know,

Much more than just my strength,

I’ve realized that a mother’s heart,

Will love and go on, at any length.

You say I’m strong,

And I thank you for it all,

You always helped me get back up,

When all I could do was fall.

You said I was strong.

You held out your hand.

Your words will forever echo…

"I’ll be here to catch you as you land."

For it seems that I AM strong,

And I carry this strength within my heart –

And now I see this is why you told me,

I was strong, from the very start.

© 2013 Heather Grein

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This is dedicated to one of my best friends who has always been there for me and that i love and care for so much... Thank you girl for always being you

An Open Feild of Sorrow

An open field of sorrow…

   Leaves that blow

      Like the tears that fall,

Empty branches reaching for air,

   Searching for light

      To find a way through it all.

Trees unable to breathe -

   The pressure of grief

      Pressing down on their leaves

Yet empty inside,

   With aching hollowness

      Our companion as we grieve.

In this open field of sorrow

   Questions go unanswered

      In the stillness of the night,

Like a clock without hands.

   The minutes stand still –

      No end of pain in sight.

Tree branches, once so full of life,

   Lie empty as the pain sweeps

      Blindly through them like tears

What’s left behind is now

   An empty field of sorrow,

      And an echo of their fears.

At the breaking of the dawn

   A tiny glimpse of light

      Reaches down upon the soul

Bringing light, restoring hope

   That this torn and shattered life,

      Might one day again be whole.

Deep inside, the truth is known,

   That whatever tomorrow brings,

      One small branch will never again grow -

Forever changed and silent it lies

   Even when the other branches

      Begin to stir and then beautifully flow.

Its time of growth has ended,

   It has shed its mortal bonds,

      And left a scar, forever to show...

Its spirit blooms so brightly,

   But its remains become the soil

      In which the others thrive and grow.

Now that the sun is bright and warm,

   And the new leaves grow rich and green

      Here, in this open field of sorrow,

The pain still exists,  

   And the hollowness inside,

      For there was no time left to borrow.

The day our baby boy went home,

   Heaven gained an angel,

      But left behind our broken hearts.

His love is missed by all,

   And still no answers come,

      Why did we have to part?

For my baby boy, the angel,

   My memories are what I keep,

      As I walk gently through my field of sorrow;

Each night I cry my silent tears,

   And pray for strength each day,

      To make it until each tomorrow.

© 2013 Heather Grein

He's Gone

Shock fills me and I cannot comprehend
     the words which are spoken …
Disoriented and numb –
     my heart completely broken.

Trembling from within,
     I fall limply to the floor,
Screaming “No!” and uncontrollably crying,
     they help me to the door.

Lost in a nightmare as I hold my baby boy,
     I gently kiss his cold little lips,
So scared and broken inside,
     my heart feels completely ripped …

They wrap me in warm blankets,
     trying to comfort me from the cold,
The empty words “It will be ok”
     are all that I am told.

My nightmare is now real life,
     with no end of pain in sight,
They tried so hard to save him,
     but in the end, they lost the fight.

As I say goodbye, my life turns grey
     just like his sweet little face;
Then I’m walking beside those I love
     trying desperately to just keep pace.

Forever changed inside,
     from that one heart-breaking day -
That day I lost my baby,
     now I struggle to find my way.

I just keep going, one step at a time,
     it’s all that I can manage.
The pain in my soul is so intense,
     but all I have is love’s bandage.

This is the tragic story,
     of how I lost my precious little son,
And one thing that I’ve learned,
     is a grieving mother’s journey is never done …

© 2013 Heather Grein

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Graphic requests

I will be taking graphic requests for angel babies free of charge. If you would like one done please send me you angels photo and any sayings themes or colors you would like. And let me know if you would like you angels photo added to a graphic dvd to help raise money for the tears foundation. they pay for funeral and other services for babies gone too soon. You can find more information about them at http://www.thetearsfoundation.org/ they are an amazing group of people. You can contact me at eddysmommy4life@gmail.com

Your Comforting Spirit

Your Comforting Spirit

Although I can feel you in all that I do,
Tears and heartache slice through and through;

I feel I’m falling apart - How can this be?
Blinded by sorrow and emotions I can’t see.

A knife stabbing pain – I’m suddenly brought to my knees
Then I feel your comfort like a cool night’s breeze,

You’re here once again, in my arms to hold,
So full of warmth and no longer cold.

You look up at me with your smile so sweet
My frozen heart melts and is once more complete.

Loving calmness fills my body and soul
We’re together again and I am finally whole.

A tear of happiness slides down my cheek
My body starts to tremble - I feel so weak;

I close my eyes, take it all in, then I breathe
And once again realize, God called and you must leave.

Awakened by aching, more sadness is felt
I cry sweet tears from this heart throbbing welt

You came into my life, if only for a short while,
And surrounded me with the warmth of your smile.

Though I know the pain will never fully heal,
Your sweet memories make it possible for me to just deal,

I’ll never forget, through the pain, there is hope
And in due time, with God’s help, I will truly learn to cope.

Until we’re back together again, you are the light guiding my way
For you are deep in my heart, and that is where you’ll always stay.

© 2011 Heather Grein

Walk with me

Walk With Me

Walk with me through this maze of pain
With trust in my heart there are lessons to gain

Help me hold on to hope for a brighter day
Be my guiding light on this dark, scary way

Carry me aloft on your golden wings
Bring me to that place where the white dove sings

Hold my hand through each step that I take
Pick me up when I stumble until I finally wake

Guide me safely to that special place
Where all is right in this amazing race

Give me the strength to stay on track
And fill my heart with all that I may lack

Hold my hand tightly and never let go
Where this journey takes us, only the Lord truly knows

Show me the beauty hidden in all that I see
Help me stay afloat on life’s turbulent sea

Show me where the flowers always bloom
Where the clear skies are open to the bright shining moon

Bring me peace and comfort through the night
Let me know that hope is always in sight

Walk with me through this maze of pain
Show me in life, there is so much to gain

I hold on to hope and the spirit within you
One step at a time, feeling you in all that I do
© 2011 – Heather Grein

The things i never knew

The Things I Never Knew

I never knew such pain could exist
Overcome by tears that I try to resist,

I never knew the pain could be so deep
Or the mountain ahead could be so steep.

Every day I climb, inching closer with every step
Every second in constant pain, life no longer giving me pep,

I never knew the heartache of a life no longer here
For my baby grew angel wings and left me in constant fear.

I never knew that such misery could be true,
That a beautiful life could end when it was still so new,

I never knew what others felt in their deepest, darkest hours,
Or the agony of feeling like a cut and dying flower.

I never knew until that day that all my dreams would fade,
And end with a broken heart, shattered by deaths merciless blade,

I never knew the path I would walk could be so full of pain
Or that I would have to fake a smile, just to try and stay sane.

I never knew underneath it all, I’d find the strength to hold on to hope
And continue to breathe, and love, and share, as I learn to try and cope,

I never knew the courage it takes to live life, and not just simply breathe
For death leaves a hole in your very soul, to the eye it does deceive.

But I also never really knew, the love and strength that could surround me
From the friends and family that mention his name, keeping his memory alive is the key

All these things I never knew, have turned my life into so much more
Than I ever could have imagined would be behind this painful door,

Too many now stand with me, learning things we never knew,
Remembering our children, and the beautiful angel wings they grew.
© 2013 Heather Grein

Our Love

Our Love

Our love created an angel.
In the book our fates had written
We cannot know the reasons,
For God’s ultimate plan is hidden.

Until the day we join him
In the glorious heavens above,
Forever bound together by
This amazing thing called love.

Our love has created more
Than words could ever express;
And though we have suffered heartache,
Together, we will always pass the test.

Our angel baby has united our souls
In an eternal and blessed love-knot,
Teaching us the meaning of the journey
And the battles that together we’ve fought.

With each passing day our connections
Grow stronger and deeper in our hearts,
God truly knew what He was doing –
It was his plan from the very start.

The lessons we have learned as one,
In this journey, that sharing, we take
Have brought a new awakening inside,
That only death, and love, can make.

Our love created an angel boy,
With his guiding love, we take the next steps;
Hand in hand we follow our angel’s smile
Through life’s dark, deepest depths.

He blessed us so much and changed our lives
And together forever, we will never forget,
That our love created an angel,
And that was the plan from the first day we met.

© 2012 Heather Grein

My Sweet Baby Boy

My Sweet Baby Boy

My sweet baby boy, with your heart of gold,
Your precious young body and soul so old;

Though you went when you received God’s call,
Your smile melted the hearts of all.

You will never be forgotten, my sweet baby boy,
For that twinkle in your eye brought so many joy,

You must have known you had a purpose, from the very start,
And you will live on forever, in so many hearts.

God took you home, to be his angel in gold,
And I promise - your memory will never be lost or grow cold.

Even in leaving you saved someone’s life,
My angel on earth, sent to break someone’s strife.

My sweet baby boy, as you look down from the stars above,
I know you’re watching over us all, with kindness, smiles and love.

Mommy and Daddy love you forever Eddy.

© 2011 Heather Grein

My Angel Baby

My Angel Baby

My angel baby
With your golden wings,
You’ve filled me with hope,
Inspiration, love and dreams.

Your love changed my life
In so many different ways,
And I’ll never forget you,
Through all of my days,

Although I cry in sorrow,
At this life, so unfair;
Although my shattered heart’s pain
Sometimes seems too much to bear,

I push through the sludge
Toward your guiding light,
And look to the stars
To find you there in the night.

Though no longer within my reach,
I know you’re never far away –
And when the wind blows through
the trees,
I know it’s you in their steady sway.

I see your warm love
In the sunshine each day
Bringing the light to my life
In so many wonderful ways.

My angel baby
With your golden wings,
I feel your glorious soul
In the simplest of things.

I feel your breath in the wind
Upon my face, so sweet;
Each day, a new found way,
For our linked souls to meet.

You are the warmth of the sun
When its raining inside my soul,
Filling me with the feeling
Of once again being whole.

In the soothing patter of rain drops,
Nature’s melody playing as they fall,
I simply sit quietly and listen,
To the sound of your sweet call

The feel of moonlight softly
Shimmering on my skin at night
Tells me you life’s purpose
Was never anything but right.

My angel baby
With your golden wings,
Knowing your never far
Makes my soul sing

And through all this pain
I promise you this;
I will live my life for you,
And all the lovely things you missed.
© 2011 – Heather Grein

I Wish I Wonder I know

I Wish, I Wonder, I Know

I wish I could hold you
In my arms once more,
That just for a moment,
God would reopen the door,

I wish I could see
Your innocent smile,
Just one more time,
For just a little while,

I wish I could feel
Your tiny heartbeat again,
But for now I can only sit
And wonder just when …

When will I get to see
My little angel in gold,
And fill the place in my heart
That you will forever hold?

When will I gaze once more
Into that precious young face,
And kiss your sweet dimple,
That made my heart race?

I wish you were here with me
Through all the rest of my days -
Helping me through the rain and
shine
Of this life’s often heartbreaking
maze.

My heart’s a shattered bottle
Cast afloat in the ocean waves,
And I sometimes feel as if my soul is
lost
In some deep, dark and lonely cave.

You brought joy to my life
And happiness to my heart;
If only I had known God’s plan -
What was to unfold, right from the
start …

Maybe then I would have held
You just a little longer
And maybe prayed for God above
To make me just a little stronger.

I wish I could show you, my son,
How deep my love for you flows -
What I wouldn’t give for a little more
time
God in heaven, himself, only knows.

I’ll never forget all the joy
Your sweet little soul brought,
Or with the touch of your hand,
All the love that you taught.

I so wish, my sweet child,
I could hold you once more,
And that my heart still felt happy,
Not so shredded and torn.

I wish this pain that I feel
Wasn’t as bad as it seems
And that I could just wake up
To find this was just a bad dream -

But it’s real, you are gone,
And I cry these tears from my soul,
Knowing deep down inside
I’ll never again feel completely
whole.

But somehow, in all of this
Heartache, pain and sorrow,
I know, with God’s help,
It will be a brighter day tomorrow.

I know you will forever be with me,
A permanent piece of my heart,
Forever and ever, my son,
We will never truly be apart.

And when you look down with smiles

From God’s heaven above,
I hope that you know in your heart,
You were truly and deeply loved.
© 2011 – Heather Grein

Ended Beginnings

Ended beginnings, cut short too soon,
One chapter written, the rest now in the moon.

Endless hope vanished into the stars,
With you so close - yet so very, very far.

Ended beginnings, a life now gone from my arms,
Gone to heaven above, now safe from all harm …

Ended beginnings that changed so much,
No more sweet little smile, or precious little touch.

Ended beginnings that have torn me apart,
Turned my life upside down and broke my fragile heart.

Ended beginnings with you gone so soon,
My life and my future now play a sad, sad tune.

Ended beginnings, gone are dreams and hope,
Now there’s just a broken mommy learning to cope.

Ended beginnings, with so much love left to give,
Taking one step at a time, somehow relearning how to live.

Ended beginnings that aren’t really the end,
For I feel you every day, and all the love you still send.
© 2012 Heather Grein

Can you Hear me

Can You Hear Me?

Can you hear me,
Through the words I do not speak?

I'm reaching out to you,
for you are what I seek.

Your love has got a hold on me
And though I say no words,

I pray you see it all;
Even what may not be heard.

It is loud and clear
If you truly listen

Just open up your heart;
You will see it glisten.

From sun up to sun down
It never goes away -

In my heart, and in my soul
Is where it always stays.

So, can you hear me,
Through the words I do not say?

Listen with your heart
And you will find the way.

There are no words
For all I have inside;

Just the hearts understanding
For you, in which I confide.

Something so powerful
It can not be compound -

A magical force
In which there is no sound.

So, can you see my love,
Though nothing can be heard?

My heart is speaking to you,
Without a single word.
© 2010 – Heather Grein

As I

As I watch the clouds slowly drift by

The weight of sorrow brings a tear to my eye


I say a silent prayer for all to once again to be right

But to keep a smile upon my face seems to be a daily fight


I miss you more than words can say

And Id give anything to go back to that day


When you were in my arms so safe and tight

Surrounding me with your amazing light


Now with wings you soar above

Watching over us all with your guiding love


But I still cry out in the night to see your sweet smile once more

And this pain inside hurts me to the core

Living in this nightmare through my worst fear

So lost and saddened with you no longer here


Your sweet memory the only thing I now hold dear

With all these tears, all I ever wanted was to watch you grow
throughout the years


A shattered heart and memories left in mind

A life cut short with broken dreams left behind


So lost in this fog of despair

Trying to find a way to show you I still care


Id give my life to bring you back from heaven above

So all who knew you could be showered with your love


Through all this pain ive learned so much

My life forever changed from your sweet touch

If Only

If only..
The question that we face in our time of sorrow,
So much life now gone, with no time to borrow

If only...
The hollow words replay throughout our every thought
No child should pass and leave us in this hell where we’re now caught

If only....
The wretched emptiness could just be filled
And we could once again begin the life we started to build

If only...
We could move on from the brutal pain
For caught in this darkness, we are no longer sane

If only...
Two little words… with such deep meaning now
Our children have passed and left us questioning how

If only....
Such pain and sorrow did not exist
And we did not have to deal with the tears we now resist

If only...
There was a way to go back and change the past
For now we bear this burden of the child-loss mask

If only...
The world knew what we deal with every day
Or there were words enough to make it all ok

If only...
We knew how to move on with a simple real smile
Without the fear that tragedy will strike again at any given mile

If only...
The words that echo in our hearts now, every single day
As we pull ourselves together and we try to find our way

If only....
We didn’t have to carry this heavy feeling of loneliness and sudden tears,
And had the strength to live each day without the constant worry and the fears...

If only…

Letter from Grandpa

Dear Trip,

You’ve been in Heaven for a couple months now Trip, and Grandpa has been missing you really bad today. I know that you’re in a better place than this old nasty Earth, and I will cherish the day I get to join you.

Until then, I’m devoting most of my talents at image creation to others who are in pain and grief … I know that you are probably playing with all of these other angel babies right now, and thinking your old Grandpa is silly for crying so much while he does it, and I only hope that you are as proud of the precious keepsake images I’m creating for them, as I am to be your Grandpa, little boy.

My heart breaks every time I think about all the things we’ll never get to do together. I’ll never get to show you how to whittle a marshmallow roasting stick, or clean a fish – I won’t get to help you ride a bike, or tell you ghost stories around a campfire – I won’t get to share a scary movie, or plant a cow-kiss on your sweet cheeks, but I know you will be right beside me as I do these things with your brother(s) and sisters and cousins … so I guess we’ll be getting to do them together anyway, huh?

Some days are harder than others, and even now when I have a good day, I still feel a little guilty if I laugh out loud, but I guess it only shows that even though you have left this world behind, I’m still here and alive, and I tell myself that it’s okay to be happy sometimes too …. I’ll NEVER stop loving and missing you, and I truly think I felt your caress in the sunshine on my face today … Thank you for all of the love your little soul is still giving all of us who love you.

Grandma finds it real hard sometimes to watch me create Angel Baby images, but she also feels the love that you pour out on us when I do.  Tell Tristan that Smiley Riley is doing great, and tell Savannah and Gracie and Freddie and Kynli and Braydon and all the rest that their families all really like their images – but then I’m sure you guys ALL already know that.  I feel so blessed to have been your Grandpa, Eddy … You’ve made me a better man.

Grandma and I love you, Trip – forever …

I am going to be putting together a slide show video of our angel babies. If  you would like to have you child added please email me at eddysmommy4life@gmail.com All proceeds of the video will be donated to the wonderful people at the tears foundation.

The Things I Never Knew

The Things I Never Knew

I never knew such pain could exist,

Overcome by tears that I try to resist,

I never knew the pain could be so deep

Or the mountain ahead could be so steep.

Every day I climb, inching closer with every step

Every second in constant pain, life no longer giving me pep,

I never knew the heartache of a life no longer here

For my baby grew angel wings and left me in constant fear.

I never knew that such misery could be true,

That a beautiful life could end when it was still so new,

I never knew what others felt in their deepest, darkest hours,

Or the agony of feeling like a cut and dying flower.

I never knew until that day that all my dreams would fade,

And end with a broken heart, shattered by deaths merciless blade,

I never knew the path I would walk could be so full of pain

Or that I would have to fake a smile, just to try and stay sane.

I never knew underneath it all, I’d find the strength to hold on to hope

And continue to breathe, and love, and share, as I learn to try and cope,

I never knew the courage it takes to live life, and not just simply breathe

For death leaves a hole in your very soul, to the eye it does deceive.

But I also never really knew, the love and strength that could surround me

From the friends and family that mention his name, keeping his memory alive is the key

All these things I never knew, have turned my life into so much more

Than I ever could have imagined would be behind this painful door,

Too many now stand with me, learning things we never knew,

Remembering our children, and the beautiful angel wings they grew.

© 2013 Heather Grein

Graphic Requests

If you are a greiving parent/family memeber and would like a graphic done feel free to leave a comment.. All graphics made are in honor of my monster bug. I can do any backgound saying or picture you would like ...  

January 30th 2013

As the days pass on and i walk blindly into the future, i carry you in my heart. I do not know what tomorrow will bring but i know that you are with me every step of the way. Your sisters and brothers think you you often. I know Drayce sees you. Ive seen him smiling and talking into your corner. thank you for being a part of me and my life. You forever changed me! I love you monster bug. Forever and always !!!

December 6th 2012

Dear Monster  Bug,  

 I know  its been awhile but I hope you know  I think about you  everyday. Your little brother Drayce entered  the world  on November 1st  and  I  know you were right there with us. He  looks so much like you and I love him so much. I still get sad sometimes though  when I look at him because I wish  you were  here with us so I could see you both together. He had to stay  in  the  hospital just like you did and while  he  was  there they had moved  him to the same exact spot that you had stayed in and I almost lost it. They moved him though which made  it easier for me to deal with. It was still scary  though. It made me feel like I was going  through all  of the pain of losing you again. Monster bug mommy misses  you  so  much. My heart  hurts so bad when I  think  about it. I pray every day that  you watch over you little brother and protect  him. Its so hard sometimes and I almost call him monster  bug and then catch  myself which  makes  me want to cry but it just reminds me that you are with us everyday.  

 We are coming up on Christmas again and  this will be the first year were are  all together as a family and I wish  you were here so I could see you open  presents with your  sisters. I'm trying  my  hardest to keep  it cheery so your  sisters have a good christmas but its hard. I have to keep my  tears from over taking the mood  and  spirit of  christams. We were truly blessed  this year, mommy entered a contest and shared  our  story and we ended up winning a gift  card to be able to  get your sisters christmas  presents. And on top of that some friends and family have sent some  amazing blessings our way for your sisters too. Thank you for guiding me to  put your  story and the story of our  family out there.  

 Your grandpa and I have made a page for you that will have all your pictures, videos, memories  and more on so  that you will never be forgotten. I love you so much baby boy. You bring me so much strength and inspiration. And im so glad you came into our  lives. You have brought so much more  than  you could ever know. I will write you  again soon  I promise. Mommy  loves  you forever my little monster bug !!  

 Love mommy <3 

A Million TImes

A million times I've thought,

     About his precious smile.

A million times I wished he was here,

     If only for a little while …

A million times I've tried,

     To hold my head up high,

And a million times, through tears,

     I've asked my loving God … Why?

Why did it have to be my son?

     Why do I live with this heart ache so deep?

Why was his life so suddenly done?

     Why do I now sit here and weep?

A million times I've thought about him,

     A million times I've pleaded for him back,

A million times picturing his light now dim,

     And a million times I've wanted life back on track.

Why did I have to see him there,

     His little body so quiet and cold?

Why did that have to be

     The last memory of my boy that I hold?

Why, God, Why did it have to be this way?

      A million times I've only wanted him back …

Why, oh why, couldn’t my son just stay?

     Now, a million times my world has turned black.

Why dear God, why

     Did it have to be him?

Why do I have to feel inside

     Like I've lost a missing limb?

Why was he here with us

     For such a short and wonderful time?

Why is this grief and excruciating

     Pain and sorrow now mine?

A million times I prayed,

     And asked you for the reason,

And a million times you’ve told me, God,

     That in this life there are seasons.

A million times I've hit my knees,

     And asked You why, God, why?

The words "A Million Times"

    Was always your reply …

“A million little smiles

     For you to love and cherish,”

From the day you gave him to me,

     He was meant to share, then perish.

“My plan for your angel

     Was never for him to stay …

But to touch a million lives

     In a very special way.

“So never forget the timeless love

     That with every smile, he gave …

And ride it to the safety of shore

     Like a storm-tossed, incoming wave.

“He was meant for so much more …

     So remember, when you ask me "Why?"

That he touched your soul at the very core,

     But he was always meant to grow wings and fly.

“You were blessed a million times,

     With his beauty and smile so pure,

And his love for you is strong enough

     To get you through all the pain you must endure.

“A million little things he left,

     Behind, for you to hold …

So spread his love around the world,

     And let his shooting star story be told.

“So ask Me not the question ‘Why?’ …

     The answers will all be known one day,

And until that glorious reunion,

     Alive in your heart, he shall stay.

“Rest at ease, my child,

     And know he guides your way.

With a million little signs and kisses,

    Throughout your lifetime, every day.”

© 2012 Heather Grein